exercises in futility pt. I

i passed a grocery store with balloons in the window.

cold wind. alcohol flavored. i had not been drinking. 

i don't know why the city had been.

pale red sphere. dirty yellow ones.

 dolphin shaped ones. birthday cake ones.they were floating. 

abandoned to a florescent humming light.

tomorrow maybe someone will buy them.

week later, they will be deflated. 

day after that, garbage.

i doubted and i doubted and i doubted all day

and i waited in the car

and watched a spider walk on telephone wires above my head

a gray sky behind him

got out to see

then i locked my keys in the car.

and paid forty five dollars to a mexican tow man

who cut me deal.

'usually it is sixty five, but 'chu know.'

i stared at him. i did not know. i thanked him.

i got back in the car (little spider, telephone wires)

and waited, waited.

lost my shit

then i waited some more.